Problem Sleuth: Volume 3
The third volume of Problem Sleuth is divided into four chapters. With the Four Kingdoms at peace, Team Sleuth and their female counterparts now confront the sinister Mobster Kingpin in his lair. While the female alter egos begin the fight against MK, Problem Sleuth and his allies scale the Cathedral of Syndetic Ascension in an effort to join the conflict. Click the " " to open the page from Problem Sleuth. Chapter 10 |start = |end = |length = 80 pages |previous = Chapter 9: This is Complete Bullshit |next = Chapter 11: Two Lumps }} * Problem Sleuth enters the bottom floor of the cathedral and realizes that he should have thrown some thug corpses in first for dramatic effect. 11 thugs guard the stairs to the next level. PS's attempt to sneak past them undetected results in total failure and a punch to the face from one of the thugs. Realizing combat is the only way to get past them, PS prepares to unleash his most powerful attack: Sepulchritude. However, he reconsiders and instead uses the less powerful Sleuth Diplomacy to gun them all down. PS earns 14,250 spondulicks and proceeds up the stairs. * An Ace Dick collects the skylight and office window from the imaginary street, then heads to the skull room after leaving the office window in the control room. He cannot get past the locked doors; it will take double his strength to break them down. * In Mobster Kingpin's office, Li'l Ace Dick throws a chocolate/grenade into MK's mouth, further increasing his Blood Sugar. Pickle Inspector prepares to fire at MK, but he gets distracted by Nervous Broad's beauty and hits LAD instead. LAD successfully Auto-Parries by getting shot in the gut, then hits MK with the 2 by 4/Romance Novel, draining MK's stats and increasing his Emotions level. * Level 2 of the cathedral is guarded by 11 thugs and 2 beasts. The thugs start beating PS, and his connection to Hysterical Dame causes HD's Empathy Magpie meter to rise, letting her regain consciousness and rejoin the fight against MK. MK uses the Hit the Mattresses battle technique to max his Pulchritude, then uses the Send in the Clowns combat operandi to attack LAD with a stream of clowns. The other two ADs experience an increase in their Rapport Peacock meters. * While PI flees the boss battle, AD helps PS fight the guards by firing his machine gun through the skylight. With PS holding a skylight in one hand and his tommy gun in the other, it effectively lets him fire two guns at once. This Fair Shake technique makes quick work of the thugs and beasts. Some more thugs try to enter through a sliding door, but PS locks it before can they get in. * PS remembers to throw some thug corpses onto level 3 first before heading up himself. This level is guarded by three beasts, two thugs on motorcycles, and a Hired Muscle. PS offers the Muscle 15,000 spondulicks to change sides; the Muscle agrees and starts attacking his former allies. Meanwhile, the second AD joins his counterpart and together they break open the double doors. * MK's Blood Sugar has gone down, making him invincible again. LAD tries to throw another chocolate/grenade in his mouth, but MK Auto-Parries and the grenade sails towards a porthole window. Out in the hall, PI pulls the switch, causing the photomosaic wall in MK's office to rotate and reveal three more portholes. The grenade flies through the porthole and is transferred between the portholes and two adjacent traffic lights on the imaginary street until it eventually lands inside MK's mouth. LAD headbutts MK for minor damage and falls unconscious. * The ADs arrive only to discover that the Muscle has defeated all the enemies on level 3 already. On the imaginary street, the Candy Mecha walks into the dollhouse through NB's mirror; since it is carrying the dollhouse on its back, an infinite number of increasingly smaller mechas and dollhouses are created. The infinite mechas drop the infinite dollhouses on the floor and go back to the street while the Honeybee Professor congratulates them for avoiding a dangerously high fractal accretion rate. * PI climbs the staircase and discovers a giant Ben Stiller bust blocking a doorway. PS, the ADs (now on the thugs' motorcycles), and the Muscle ascend to level 4. It is guarded by two Hired Muscles and Morthol Dryax, Argus of the Undead. The ADs dispatch the enemy Muscles by throwing the motorcycles at them, but Morthol turns the remaining Muscle into a zombie of indeterminate allegiance. Using Brass Tacks, PS summons the Legendary Jazz Musicians to fight Morthol and the zombie Muscle flees upstairs. * Morthol banishes the jazz musicians with an undead curse and attacks PS. HD receives a surge in attack power and draws on MK with her lipstick, causing some damage. PS and the ADs join together in a combined Sleuth Diplomacy attack, but Morthol remains standing. PI wanders back to the control room. * PS again refuses to use Sepulchritude. In MK's office, LAD uses Belly of the Whale on MK, but he counters with Extortion and swallows LAD instead. LAD pulls the pins on his last two chocolates/grenades and dies. Death greets him and offers him tea. * LAD's death fills the Ostentation Drive! of the other ADs to full capacity, and they unleash the Double Truffle Shuffle Trouble against Morthol. Morthol is killed and MK's Blood Sugars jumps to near-critical levels. * Much to the Honeybee Professor's agitation, PI prepares to drop one of the office windows into the other. After doing so, the windows are knotted into a multi-dimensional fractal structure with a 99.9% accretion rate: while the structure is currently self-contained and harmless, any applied pressure could cause a critical reaction. Unfortunately, PI accidentally hits the column extension button, and the windows are raised into the ceiling and compressed into each other. A critical reaction occurs. * The control room is consumed by a massive explosion, killing PI and the Honeybee Professor. The imaginary city experiences a total blackout as Fluthlu awakens from his black realm. Chapter 11 |start = |end = |length = 77 pages |previous = Chapter 10: That Would Have Been So Badass |next = Chapter 12: Suitor to the Sodajerk's Confidante }} * PI arrives in the Afterlife and Death pours him some tea. PI and AD challenge Death for the right to win their lives back, an offer that intrigues Death. He selects sudoku as the challenge, and PI accepts. The Weasel King gives him the Tectrix of the Arbitor to even the score. The afterlife is revealed to be in a flower held by Godhead Pickle Inspector. * Fluthlu climbs the Cathedral of Syndetic Ascension and tries to attack PS and the ADs. However, its flagella are too large to fit through level 4's tiny windows, allowing the detectives to proceed up the stairs. Meanwhile, using the power granted to her by PI's death, NB unleashes the Nervous Breakdown attack, doing serious damage to MK and moderate damage to HD. MK throws NB out the window. * PS and the ADs arrive at the fifth and final level. It is guarded by a giant beast and several lesser beasts who are already being attacked by the zombie Muscle. As PS once again refuses to use Sepulchritude, the Muscle attacks one of the ADs and turns him into Zombie Ace Dick. * PS summons Henry Clay to fight the beasts. The Great Compromiser proceeds to viciously tear apart the monsters with his bare hands in a Kate Beaton-style comic sequence until PS orders him to leave. All beasts and the zombie Muscle are killed in Clay's rampage. * Before they can continue to the end of the room, Fluthlu breaks through a Death Star window. AD tries to distract it by feeding it a torso, but it merely energizes the monster and its tendrils fondle AD until he becomes embarrassed and leaves. ZAD MC Hammer slides past Fluthlu and PS picks up a shard of glass from the broken window, but is horrified to see another urban mural in the reflection. PS deflects Fluthlu's eye beams off the glass and they hit the mural, creating several monsters based on people in the ethnically diverse painting. * While the monsters - collectively known as the Cultural Rainbow - gang up on PS, HD prepares to use her ultimate attack and ZAD discovers that the exit is blocked by thugs and the Bowen Stilson Dogg: a giant bust depicting a horrible fusion of Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, and Snoop Dogg. * PS uses the Ceasefire variant of Sleuth Diplomacy and drops his weapon, then engages the Cultural Rainbow in hand-to-hand combat. He kills all but one of the creatures, and the final one is about to kill him when the barely-alive zombie Muscle uses the last of his strength to shoot it in the head. Both the monster and the Muscle die. * The smaller members of the fractal candy mecha army fly into MK's mouth, sending him into diabetic shock. HD takes the opening to use her Kiss of Death attack, draining the last of MK's health and slaying him. * MK arrives in the afterlife, but Death is busy playing Wizard's Sudoku with PI and AD is trapped in a game that combines Q*Bert, chess, and sudoku. With everyone distracted, MK sneaks out the door to the living world and comes back to life. He grabs HD by the neck as the Insulin Shot combat operandi restores him to full health while lowering his Blood Sugar back to zero. Summoning the power of Wilford Brimley, MK punches HD into unconsciousness and out of the room, then closes the door to his office. * HD's defeat gives PS the opportunity to use the Trusty Knives attack against Fluthlu. He lobs daggers and butcher knifes into the creature's face before cutting the Death Star window's power cord, severing Fluthlu's face and sending its lifeless body tumbling back towards the ground. * AD flees the still room as the hot sauce still starts to violently shake. Chapter 12 |start = |end = |length = 39 pages |previous = Chapter 11: Two Lumps |next = Chapter 13: DMK }} * PS levels up and MK enters the Realm of Imagination by drinking sugar free candy liquor and building a fort out of his desk. The hot sauce still explodes and sends the resulting inferno up the dumbwaiter shaft, where it blows up the Bowen Stilson Dogg and the thugs next to it. The entrance to MK's office is now clear. AD checks on the 5 alarm hot sauce. * PS and ZAD enter MK's office, but he is impervious to attacks inside his fort. Going through the safe door, they encounter the unconscious HD, then go up the stairs and try in vain to move the Ben Stiller bust. Meanwhile, AD drinks the hot sauce and transforms into Fiesta Ace Dick, now possessing a huge amount of Vim and a Mexican-themed wardrobe. * FAD scales the cathedral and turns its stained glass windows, allowing MK to start descending to demonhood by floating into the sky. FAD, now in his regular outfit again due to his unease with the ethnic costume, breaks open the Stiller bust, revealing it to be full of candy. The ethnic implications once again disturb AD. * The room behind the Stiller bust contains an Owen Wilson bust and a captain's sextant. FAD breaks the Wilson bust open and the three proceed to the next room, containing a staircase. FAD ascends it and pushes open the trapdoor at the top, sending a bust of Snoop Dogg on top of the trapdoor flying into space. The three climb up and arrive on the deck of the Chicago Overcoat, MK's flying pirate ship. * Since the universe is turned upside down, the ADs fall off the ship as PS grabs hold of the steering wheel. With MK's descent nearly complete, PS turns the wheel, but instead of righting the ship it reorients the universe so that the ship is facing the right way. The ADs land on the deck, but MK is still ascending/descending from forward momentum. * Still falling, NB is caught by PI's future imaginary duplicate. MK finally completes his ascension and transforms into his ultimate form: Demonhead Mobster Kingpin. Chapter 13 |start = |end = |length = 80 pages |previous = Chapter 12: Suitor to the Sodajerk's Confidante |next = Chapter 14: Actually, This is a Lot of Fun }} * The self-proclaimed Admiral Sleuth creates a proper admiral's hat by turning his fedora inside out, then prepares to fight DMK by posing as a team with the ADs. FPI considers bringing NB to the Chicago Overcoat but decides that the Whore Island brothel is safer and leaves her there instead. * DMK splits off part of his consciousness to control his real-world body, who starts taking the porthole windows in his office. In the afterlife, PI and AD are still playing Death's games. FPI returns to the Overcoat while PS realizes that with his metal mask on, DMK cannot be injured or fed candy. PS's bullets bounce off DMK and hit ZAD. In the afterlife, PI and AD finally complete Death's challenges and are allowed to return to the land of the living. They appear aboard the Chicago Overcoat. * MK dumps the portholes through the jacuzzi porthole; DMK telekinetically intercepts them, then positions them in front of himself. Cinder blocks MK dumped in start flying through the portholes, creating an extra defense layer for DMK. PS dubs his returned allies Corsair Dick and Skipper Inspector, and FPI creates new candy armor for all three of them. They quickly pose as a team with the two other ADs. * PS is struck by a cinder block but takes no physical damage because his new coat absorbs all of it. HD is rewakened and unintentionally shuts down the jacuzzi portal. The candy mecha's head detaches from its legs and flies away. * Devising a battle plan, PS makes everyone give their weapons to PI, who will take them through the jacuzzi portal while PS and the others hold off DMK. PI makes it as far as the room outside MK's office before his low Vim forces him to drop all the weapons. He makes HD carry them instead, but her earlier action results in her coming out of the manhole instead of going through the portal. Before she can go back through and fix the mistake, PI flips the switch on GPI's orders, reactivating the portal and trapping HD on the street. PI is then commanded to go and retrieve his fan. * PI takes the fan and drops it into the jacuzzi, where it falls onto the candy mecha's detached legs. He starts returning to the Chicago Overcoat, grabbing FAD's discarded sombrero along the way. * HD throws the handgun, tommy gun, and machine gun into the traffic lights. Now in their key form and giant-sized, they snap into the locks on DMK's mask, causing it to fall off and reveal his face. He is now vulnerable to sugar-based attacks. * PI grabs the sniper rifle/sextant, but it is missing its telescope, making it almost useless. The three ADs are unable to perform their Triple Truffle Shuffle because they have not yet collected enough honey in their Suckle Flagon to max out their Comb Rave meter. FAD throws his hat down in frustration but immediately puts it back on when PI offers him the sombrero as a replacement. * DMK molests AD with his thorny tentacles, leaving him unharmed but embarrassed. The panicking mecha legs take off and accidentally drop the giant fan on Whore Island. HD spots a portal in the back of a cheese truck and hails a cab to follow it. They lose the truck when it passes through a toll booth, but HD spots a mustachioed gentleman on the other side of the portal and acquires a map of downtown from the toll booth operator.